The Beauty of Opposites
Don’t you love it when situations in your life innocently open a part of you that displays your greatness?
Last Sunday, I attended my friend and writing coach’s Fare-Thee-Well celebration. After 25 years of guiding people through the process of writing their book or learning to appreciate the art of writing, she was closing one door and moving into a new phase.
The living room was abuzz with chatter, reuniting old friends, and making new ones. Past and present students squeezed together on the sofas, chairs, the floor, and around the dining room table, creating an intimate setting. Her large TV displayed glowing faces of people from around the world. After all, we were there to celebrate and honour the impact she has had on our writing and to hear her wisdom about the wonders of writing from your soul. I love her motto:
“The sweet whisperings of your soul meet you on the page and something shifts. You strengthen. You begin to stand taller, and one day you notice that your voice on the page becomes your voice in the world.” ~ Junie Swadron
Once we settled with tea, writing pad, and pen, she welcomed us with a heartwarming acknowledgment and her joy at seeing so many shining faces. She then went on to describe the value of daily journal writing to open our hearts and allow whatever is ready to be expressed to come out into the light of day.
“Don’t be concerned with spelling, punctuation, sentence structure, and no editing. It doesn’t matter because journaling is just for you to explore an aspect of yourself or a situation and turn it into an understanding,” she invited.
She read a lovely poem and prompted us to write about our perspective on what its message conveyed to us and share it with a partner. I was sitting next to a woman I had previously shared with in Junie‘s Sacred Writing Circle. There was something about her that felt a tad uncomfortable. Her demeanor had a slightly demanding, prickly, pushy edge,and her words felt somewhat antagonistic. I recognized my reaction was annoyance and tried not to push back. But there I was, sitting next to her as her partner.
After we wrote in silence for 20 minutes, it was time for us to share and hear our words spoken from the page. “You go first,” she pushed. Because people were moving into pairs after the break, I asked her, “Let’s move to the other side of the table away from the noise.” Her actions communicated her resistance to my suggestion. I felt an upsurge of agitation. Normally, I am open and receptive, but this woman was pushing my buttons.
As I was reading my interpretation of the poem, she interrupted to tell me that I’d really like her piece as we have things in common. Continuing on about the ‘beauty of opposites’ and what the universe means to me—made up of everything from light to dark, stillness to frenzy, silence to dynamism, peace to war, communication from an open heart to a fearful heart—I noticed that I have a tendency to shift from anything negative to seeing things in a positive light. However, lately, I’ve been open to exploring my unconscious side to understand another level of what drives my motivation in certain situations. It’s seeing both sides and embracing my life from each perspective for greater appreciation.
When she read hers, she told the story of a woman who has a big heart but slammed it shut because of demeaning and demanding parents. To protect herself, she developed the ‘fighter’, and at a certain point in her relationships, she enters the familiar fighting ring, waits for the bell, and comes out combative. Ah, this is what I intuited.
After she finished, she obsessed with telling me stories about how she was wronged by her landlord, her neighbor, the fellow across the street. She’d get along beautifully in the beginning, and then the relationship would turn nasty. She put the blame on others, went into ‘poor me’ mode, and deflected responsibility. She was stuck in a victim mindset, caught in the quagmire of justification and blame without accepting her role in the problem. She didn’t see how she provoked situations. And my reaction was to contract and close off as a response to her rigidity. When I caught myself judging and feeling annoyed, I shifted my perspective and began listening from a different angle. Taking a soft, light breath, I shifted out of my analytical thoughts and grounded myself in my heart. This allowed me to hear her story from a more open and embracing perspective. Immediately, I became softer, more accepting, and understanding, which positively shifted our communication.
What happened next was beautiful. 💕
She dropped her protective shell and as she expressed her desire to be loving and helpful, her demeanor changed from a protective, hostile shell to that of a gentle, receptive 70-year-old woman, deeply wanting to change but unsure how. Suddenly, she radiated an easy, gentle demeanor; her previously controlling eyes softened, and the tension in her face relaxed. A warm, confident glow replaced the previous tension. Her eyes widened with acceptance, and her whole countenance relaxed into safety. Her vibrant blue eyes, accentuated by her curly short white hair and periwinkle hoodie, revealed a side of her I hadn't seen before. Her willingness to be vulnerable opened my heart. She looked radiant.
This shift was so stark that I congratulated her, but she didn’t fully grasp what I was saying. I gently explained how our energies clashed, hindering our ability to communicate openly. That she seemed contained and protective, often communicating from a place of hardness and demand. Even in moments of silence, she emitted a toxic vibe. Being open and receptive, I found myself needing to shield myself from the discomfort of her controlling energy by withdrawing. "This pattern might be affecting your other relationships, perhaps even leading to aggression," I suggested.
When I told her that once I became aware and shifted into sweetness, it allowed her defensive walls to soften, and her whole being communicated from a kinder, gentler place. She became eager to understand more, to grasp what she was doing, and learn how to change.
I enquired, “Did you feel how the joy in your heart resonated in your body?” She nodded. “Did you feel light, open, receptive, giving, and loving?” Taking a moment to recall, she nodded. “Did you notice that once I shifted, your style of speaking changed?” She hesitated and then excitedly acknowledged her understanding.
“When you're closed and hard, whatever you communicate creates discomfort and edginess in me, leading me to shut down. This closing off then bounces back to you, reinforcing your own defensive wall, perpetuating a cycle of discomfort. But as soon as I became soft and loving, you intuitively felt safe and dropped the control. You no longer felt attacked, opened up, and we began a lovely exchange,” I explained.
“I get it,” she said with a wide grin. Once again, she softened, and her loving heart stepped into the forefront.
“But how do I shift out of resistance?” she asked earnestly.
“I know it may sound simple, but a beautiful place to start is by paying attention to your breath. You can still be in the midst of a conversation, but now you will come from your heart, not the negative chatter of your mind,” I suggested.
We looked at each other and simultaneously stood up and embraced each other in a warm hug.
In the end, unbeknownst to both of us, our souls came together to teach each other a beautiful lesson on how opposing forces can help each other if we are willing to change. This life-changing interchange confirmed the power of loving communication and how we can each play a part in creating positive change in the world. It’s the flow of the divine communicating through two loving hearts.
I hope you enjoyed this story about shifting perspectives.
Just like my friend above wanted to learn to connect with her body and breath in order to shift into feeling grounded and empowered, you’ll enjoy my Wize to Move and Breathe 7-part 15-minute yoga asana series I created for Wize Move Society. The full series, or individual sessions, was created to complement their 'Experienced Entrepreneur Program' for individuals aged 50 and above seeking to enrich their lives and pursue their aspirations. I am proud to be their resident yoga expert. ~ Enjoy!
